aS UsUaL...

dearest,

life is as usual now.. just have to lead my own life.. wind is always dere fer me.. thks yea, dude.. i have been strong enuff to fight many challenges now.. cant just keep on ma life lyke wat i usually do.. depressed?? stressed?? arghhh.. no more of tat bullshit, man!! i really appreciate wateva frens i have now too.. *malah *saniah *samirah *huda *ain *hasan *syairul *illyasa *taufiq *zahirah *linda *rozniza *benazir n esp. u ,*winda!! some of dem u tink dey r minahs, kan?? but actually dey r not.. dey r just lyke us.. dey also hate minahs.. so, no fear getting to noe dem.. still missing lots ma old frens but still have to continue ma life.. * joe, *sak, *ex dearie, lis *far n even *sar.. yup.. i do.. n i will always do.. same goe sto u, *lina n *anisa.. i just dunno wats anisa's problem actually.. probably u cld sae earlier n we cld possibly sort things out.. not just fight with silence n showing each other a sour face.. well, i improved on ma studies alot!! weee~ sooooooo freaking happieee... never waste time in class.. teach others if dey got prob!! sooooo happpiieee seh.. teachers also sae that i have been improving alot.. great improvent!! ahahx.. dun wanna praise myself tooo much.. ahahx.. crazy me!! see ya soon, baby... luv yax!!

wAt'S wRoNg w!tH e wOrLd???

dearest,

im clueless..confused...depressed as usual.. ppl told me not to worry tooo much but wat do they noe abt my life?? they knew nth.. nth excpt god.. only HE noes everything abt us.. but e rest?? humans?? well den, if u noe nth abt my life, den just keep ur mouth shut!! i dunno wads wrong with anisa.. n lina.. we broke up into shattered pieces of glass.. we arent talking to each other.. i am a failure.. a real super dooper failure, i guess.. or worst!! ever since i was small... if i have frens in e other class, we would usually break up n go on with e ones in our class.. n same goes to my secondary life.. things are not meant to be change, i gues..

1) me with risha, zubaidah, saiyidah n farah...
2) me with jing ying, honey kamal, ayu, yan ling n hui shan
3) me with sweetie sak, ex dearie lis, adekku far n arab dugol sarah ( no offence)
4) me with lina, anisa n shikin
5) me with lina n anisa..
NOW... i left with nothing...

when u thought that u have bestest frens to count on, its actually no one..
when u tried to share with ur feelings with ur bestest fren, its actually no one..
when u hide ur feelings n put a mask, ppl called u names n critizes u..
when u finally think she is ur bestest fren, iths actually not her..
wad wld u feel den??

-depressed??
-confused??
-saded??
-disappointed??

thats wad im feeling rite now..
sak, lis, far n sar has left me..
azmi, joe n roy has left me..
now, shikin, lina n anisa has left me..

**thks fer wad u guys bought fer me fer my bdae n appreciation... i seriously have no offence or intentions throughtout the days u guys left me.. those days we spent will always be in my heart..i meant it.. espeacially to sak, lis, far n sar.. u guys will always be in my heart no matter wad happens.. n to lina n anisa.. suit urselves as i am pain in e ass, rite?? its now up to u guys.. im just sorrie if i ever did anything wrong coz i noe very well that i did alot of mistakes.. i noe it.. i really appreciates ur kindness towards me n i was relli hoping we cld still be e 3 musketeers lyke wad we used to.. i'll be waitin'... i luv u guys alwaes n freva!! n i will..

f!n@LLy....

dearest,

finally i am able to create a new post.. my comp. is down due to some stupid virus i got from sak at msn.. den i noticed that i am also passing it to someone.. n it went on.. haiz~ now, my firewall wun let us use e freakin' internet.. saded.. wadeva it is, im now at MP library.. i'll tell alot more stories that i have been facing recently.. but to tell u e truth, i am sick n tired of frens n also myself!! i just cant be bothered with them.. i think dey r sick n tired of me too.. ah... up to dem ar.. i just have to concentrate on my studies n my families more than my frens.. i use to treat e other way round but i realised that it is a stupid mistakes.. no one would appreciate each other's kindness.. no one in tis world.. no one!!

uP tO u gUyS nOw!i cAnT bE bOtHeReD wItH u GuYs aNiMoRe!

well, i cant be bothered with u ppl anymore!! its up to u guys now.. im just gonna lead my life hopefully in a good condition.. wish me luck ya, dearest!! luv u till e end of ma life!!

wAd i sHoULd bE dOiN' nOw!!! : -

*must concentrate on ma studies more than anything else..
*frens?? frens?? ill think abt it..
*spend more time with u than any other ppl..

sAd... sOoOo sAd!!

dearest.. i am so sad.. im heartbroken.. i cant take it anymore.. im confused...sad n depressed!! i was just abt to tell u wat i did today but sadness came into my life sooo suddenly.. i read ex dearie, lisa's blog just now.. i am sooo sad.. i didnt noe y im missing them sooo badly.. all the four of them... i cant control my sadness.. im crying real bad n my head is spinning like shit!! argh!! damn irritating n sickening.. its sooo painful... but nvm... i felt sooo hurt when my heart is heartbroken..i think tak lame lagi aku akan masuk hospital giler.. i cant stand anymore by putting a mask at my face infront of dem.. i cant!! OH GOD!! HELP ME FROM SUFFERING FROM THIS PAIN.. IT HURTS!! my sis has been by my side.. i appreciate her more now.. I LOVE U, KAKDA!! u dun noe how much i love u!! thks fer ur encouragement, ya.. im listening to meraung by newboyz n i broke down.. im crazy!! insane!! argh!! damn shit!! y must u guys kill me straight lyke tis?? wat have i done?? i've been really thinking n in deep confusion..
lina, winda, iskhandar, hasan n my sis has been the one who helped me alot.. they r my only one true frenz!! is it?? is this what u guys wanna hear?? den?? tell me wad u wan so i can grant dem just fer u guys....

2D

Cenderawasih

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Pandanglah hamba si gagak hutan
Sebelah mata pun hamba tak terkilan

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Adumu bercadarkan pintalan gemawan
Tidur hamba beralas reranting hutan

Tak hamba terkelindan sayap dipatahkan
Tak hamba terkilan telur hamba dipecahkan
Hamba akur dengan suratan
Hamba akur dengan kehendakTuhan
Hamba akur berketurunan bermandi hinaan

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Kau pinta didodoikan rintikan hujan
Ku mampu rintih senandung kedukaan

Penat hamba menanam ubi
Ramai berladang nenas di seberang
Penat hamba menabur budi
Emas jua dipandang orang

Orang cina menghisap madat
Duduk di bangku berkain chukin
Hina besi kerana berkarat
Hina manusia kerana miskin

Cenderawasih burung kayangan
Tuanku putih kilau keemasan
Kau pinta didodoikan rintikan hujan
Ku mampu rintih senandung kedukaan

Aduhai cenderawasih pintamu keterlaluan
Kau inginkan hamba kalungkan bulan
Kau kepinginkan kerabu dari bintang berkerdipan
Kau dambakan rantai untaian buih lautan

hAv!nG a gR8aT t!mE...!! i guess...

wee.. sooo damn tired man!! just came back..hmmm.. 8pm?? yup yup.. okok.. i'll tell u wad i did i do today..

0900-1215 : went for mendaki at school.. had a great a fantastic time there.. Mr rizal is an irritating, scarcastic, sickening n rude brat!! ahahx.. saniah, malah, yaseer, fazli, taufiq, hasan n benazir should noe y...
1215-1300 : went to kfc kallang wif taufiq, saniah n malah...eat curry crunch n belanja them but my hands smell curry!!! oh my!!
1300-1645 : went to e library n met Lina...wnated to do art but ended up taking soooo many books but never do at all..
1645-1750 : went to bukit merah with Lina to meet her sis to pass some cd's...
1750-1900 : went to tiong bahru plaza with is onli 1 bus stop to her sis's frens hse n ate at ljs (long john silver)..service is damn freaking damn... haiz~ lost my mood!! ate combo 1 x2 wif ice lemon tea, coleslaw x2 n a clam chouder soup.. we talked while eating...
1900-2000 : went bach home.. had a long journey.. pass through great world city n orchard.. me n Lina talked alot!! we talk abt ppl...ourshelves...lives n lots..
2000-2030 : reached home, bath, changed...
2033- ???? : at the computer!!! writting to u, sweetie pie...

so, now u now how tired i was??? esp. sitting in the bus for 1 whole hrs.. we sat at the front 2 seats where can see everyone in the bus..ahahx =p anyways Lina, thks ya!! miss ya lots!! n not to forget abt anisa... n hui hui..ahahx!! =p

p.s = today is yAz!d bAyHaKk! z!n'S bDaE!! hApPy b!rThDaE, yA!!

f!n@LLy...

yeshh...finally im done with my blooggiee.. ahahx.. so damn sleepy.. quite nice huh.. hehexx..prasing myself to make myself feel better.. well, gtg.. nitey nitex!!

*Hattan*

-Memburu Rindu-

Kemanakah hatimu kala aku
Menanti kata cinta Mengalir air mata
Kala sepi tiba

Terasakan langkahmu makin laju
Melangkah batas rindu
Dan aku pun memburu
Mentari yang jauh

Berikanlah masa untukku
Mendendangkan kasih dalam syahdu
Tidak terhenti pilu di dadaku
Terlepas bayangmu

Kugenggam angin semalam
Kusimpan jadi nyanyian
Kupeluk bayang hitamku
Menjadi kamus mimpiku

im soooo stressed up...confused...depressed!!

*Lestari*

-Mahligai Mu Dari Airmata Ku-


Izinkan diriku meluahkan rasa
Maafkanlah aku andai kau terasa
Biar kupaparkan apa yang terjadi
Moga engkau tak ulangi

Sungguh tak kusangka kau berpaling tadah
Setelah lamanya menjalinkan cinta
Dalam diam-diam kau sudah berpunya
Tanpa aku menyedari semuanya

Aku mendoakan agar kau bahagia
Bersama si dia insan yang kau suka
Percintaan kita tak sampai ke mana
Setakat di bibir saja sayang

Kau bina mahligai dari air mata
Yang jatuh berderai di wajah sepiku
Hancurnya hatiku bisa tak terkata
Terhumban rasa diriku

Oh aduhai ku masih ingati
Janji manis dan saat romantis
Kau pintaku supaya setia
Akhirnya kau yang berubah

Oh tuhanku tabahkan hatiku
Temukan ku dengan ketenangan
Jiwa ini dibelasah rindu tetapi apa dayaku

Kucuba pejam mata tapi tak terlena
Kerana ku masih teringat padamu
Begitu payahnya nak ku melupakan
Pernahkah engkau fikirkan oh sayang...

*aRgH!!!! bOyS?! fOrGiVe oR nOt tO fOrGeT??!!*



i just cant seem to froget abt them. i mean why are they treating me lyke tis just bcoz of boys?? u guys treasure relationships n boys rather than ur fren?? or am i not ur fren?? tell me den.. so, i'll let my mind easy n free.. not to care abt u guys anymore.. u noe it hurts..well, it does!! deep inside..i dun mind getting sick in any parts of my body but wen it comes to heart, u noe it HURTS!!! wats wrong with u guys?? first it was sarah den faridah den lisa?? lis, i have really treasure ur friendship with me all tis while if u neva notice that, okay.. every moment of it.. i find u more understandin n reliable den the rest but wad had happened?? u think of him more often than me?? great!! i relly couldnt focus n happy but i have to put a mask at my face so i dun hav to trouble my other frenz.. it doesnt simply means that i can live w/o u guys.. u noe me better than e rest.. but u seem sooooo super duper interested with guys till u break all ties n make me had a fight with my boy-frenz.. is that fair?? is that FAIR?? im asking u.. haiz~